Today as I walked thru walmart my eyes filled with tears as I reminisced on recent events that have played out over the past six months. I was in the valley of decision and didn’t realize it. I felt stuck, trapped and didn’t know which direction to go. I knew God hadn’t called me to the situation I was in of my making but I didn’t know which direction to go to get out of it. I begged God for direction. I reminded him that I’m not afraid to work hard but I just didn’t know what direction he wanted me to direct my efforts in. My daily work bore the tears of my stress (sorry if you got a tear stained garment btw!)
I’ve never heard the audible voice of God, all I know is he drops thoughts or a word from someone into our spirit in hopes that we will recognize it and act upon it. So I had a couple of ideas and went down the trail of one of them only to find that door shut. I considered another path but could never get my heart into following thru with it. I BEGGED God to give me direction….a whisper, a word…..anything. I had NO idea how big and serious this valley of decision was. “We can’t see the frame when we’re in the picture” you know. The enemy was trying to wear me out during this time let me tell you. I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown, I understood why people do crazy things. When your mind feels trapped and then he pours on the heat in other areas you can really feel the urge to do something stupid just for escape even if temporarily. Thank God for a good solid foundation and grounding during these times!
It was during this time that I got to witness an absolute miracle, a release and the birth of another soul into the kingdom out of a this trial…..it was God’s way of telling me he’s still here paying attention just hang on I’m working on something big! But the trial was two part as they’re never simple, right? I got my answer for the first part but I still needed direction for the second part.
Let me just tell you this……….sometimes God doesn’t open doors because you’re standing at the wrong door. Or at the wrong time. Or you’re just not ready yet. Or people or circumstances aren’t ready yet. What do you do if you find yourself in that situation? As my Pastor and father has always taught us, you keep doing what you know to do that is right. Keep moving forward. Don’t make any major decisions during these times. So that’s what I did. Thankful that the first part of my trial was resolved but still needing an answer for the second part.
So I work and wait and work and wait all the while LOOKING AND LISTENING for that small nudge or that word or glimpse that could be my answer. Ya’ll should know by now that I don’t believe in coincidences, I believe in divine guidance and intervention. That our life and God’s will is like a seek and find puzzle. Sometimes it’s easy to spot and sometimes it takes a while to find it but it’s always there waiting to be discovered.
Then one day I’m cleaning off my desk (see, God requires action on our part lol) and found this piece of paper (see photo) that had been taped to my computer at one point but then got lost. I read it and realized I had lost clarity of my vision. That forced me to reevaluate exactly what my vision was.
Disclaimer: I realize that I am eccentric and don’t wish to make anyone feel less if they don’t have a “vision” for their life. This is just who I am and what I do and to not acknowledge it would be doing a disservice to who I am and what my purpose is. One does not need a grand vision and plan to make a difference in others lives. Please do not let this make you feel any less as a woman. I feel the pressure to conform to a “normal woman” mold just as this or my posts may make you feel the need to conform to a mold that I talk about. We’re all different, be confident and celebrate your differences there is no wrong or right way to be a human. This is just my way.
Back to my vision: I had to revisit my vision to see how far off track I had gotten. Wow….what an eye opener. Probably why I was getting no specific direction up until that point. I immediately started trying to figure out what needed to be done to get to my end goal/vision. I like to start with the goal and work backwards. It was at that point that I believe God dropped the answer to the second part of my trial into my mind. It was just a nudge, it was a reminder to revisit something that I had requested information on 7 months ago but let my paradigm and fear stop me from following thru with……….coincidence that not following thru on that at that time led to a period of turmoil and trial?? Probably not.
I requested info again, FOLLOWED THRU with what I was required to do and I cannot believe what has been happening in the interim. THIS is what I am supposed to be doing! Absolutely NO doubt about it! I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life as I am this direction and answer. So today as I walked thru walmart and thought back over the past few months, my eyes welled up with tears at what I almost missed…….what I almost got distracted from, what I almost derailed my own self from thinking I had to “do something” instead of wait. I can’t see the future per say but I can envision where this is going and I look back at that valley of decision and know that where I’m going is why that valley was so difficult. The enemy tried to discourage me first, make me do something stupid, when that didn’t work he tried to distract me, that didn’t work so he tried to trick me into thinking I was supposed to go a different direction because it wasn’t wrong or bad, it just wasn’t the direction God intended for me to go.
I don’t tell you all of this because I think you’re interested in me or my life or to make me look spiritual. I tell you this to show you what a overview of the valley of decision can look like. You might be in the middle of one and can’t understand or see your way out of it. Just hang on, keep praying, keep seeking God’s will, keep doing what you know is right. Don’t make any hasty or temporarily pleasurable decisions that relieve pressure for the short term. There is a perfect will of God for your life and he WILL direct your steps if you seek his guidance.
Of course my story isn’t over, this is just a chapter I chose to share with you. That being said, I will be announcing something new that I will be offering next week! I know few will read this far so consider it a secret between us. Check back because I can’t wait to share!